Monday, May 23, 2011

Good reasons it's better to be a zombie

There are many pros and cons to being a zombie, and if you ask me, I can see more advantages than cons. I have spent my 47 years on this planet discouraged with humanity as a whole, and it will be no surprise to me when a zombie infection occurs.

If you have read any of the recent CDC warnings, even they acknowledge it has occurred already, and I say it's about time they quit covering it up. 

If you think about it, you will never get sick again (wait for it) because you are already dead.

You won't ever have to work again, except to find food. I know many of you say you would never eat human flesh, but have you ever been hungry - really hungry? I mean ravenous? 

Speaking about food, even I have my limits. I would eat anything except politicians, lawyers, ministers, priests, or the pope. I have spent a lifetime being preached to and told what to do, but it all ends here. We don't need to be organized because being a zombie is not a team sport. It's everyone for themselves. 

You don't ever have to go to the hairdresser again, and who knew the zombie look is so in right now.

You never have to diet again because whatever you eat, falls right through. I'm still not sure how that works, but they'd pay a ton for it on the black market. You know I'm right.

Think about the power, everyone is afraid of you, and there is nothing like chasing a truck load of rednecks through town. You might want to be careful of the buckshot though. All in all I see this as a great thing.

Sex doesn't matter anymore because guess what rots off first. 

So you lose a little skin and decay and smell and never sleep. But that's not that bad of thing, right? I hope someone shoots my head off before I become a crawling torso. It would be kind of hard to find food that way.

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