Catagious

I'm taking over this blog today. I'm Misty the cat and "I'm taking over the world." Me and all of my other furry friends, I mean cats, not dogs. I hisssing hate dogs, all that drool and panting is overrated. We don't have one of those in this house, but we used to have two very lovable and tasty gerbils. It's unbelievable what a cat would do to attain something we want. Hey, just because I'm fat doesn't mean I can't jump. I can jump my fat ass up like nobody's business. 


I'm what you'd call a vocal cat. I love to voice my opinion and don't care if you can understand it or happen to be sleeping. Believe me when I meow, they listen. This Nick character lives at my house, and he buys me all this yummy food to eat. Who said you can't train a human. When I meow he runs and fetches me either food or catnip. I can always count on Nick, to lace me up with drugs. I mean catnip. It's not considered drugs by any legal definition. I'm serious; it's not. 


I paw my food dishes into the middle of the kitchen floor. Yes, I meant dishes. I have two, one for dry food and one for canned. You don't expect me to have my canned and dry food in the same dish, do you? How uncool. When you train a human, you have to do it right. 

My favorite room in the house is the kitchen because that's where the food is, duh. It's kinda risky though, like when they step on my tail. Ouch! Seriously, would it kill them to watch where in the hiss they're walking? Don't they understand I'm just a helpless cat plotting their demise. Meow. 

Six Sentence Sunday 1/22/12

Again from my WIP Redneck Romance.

As everyone entered, they were given a plate with eggs, burnt bacon, and corn muffins that looked like hockey pucks. I took a bite, and the muffin cracked apart into a pile of crumbs, which didn't taste good either. I felt everyone's eyes on me, and my face reddened. I scratched my stomach, and bolted outside, and hid behind a shed. 

Five minutes later, a rooster chased me into the front yard where Jimmy Bob and his kin stood on the porch laughing. 

"I reckon he doesn't like city folks either," Maw said.

I stood there looking at her like WTF. Why just the other day she had been nice as pie, but today her whole attitude towards me had changed. 

Ten Ways to get your ass kicked at a nursing home

I have worked at a nursing home for three years, and it taught me how to roll with the punches or deflect them at least. I thought you might enjoy my wisdom.

1. Tell a "resident" they are confused. For some dang reason, this sets them off. It's the equivalent of telling them, they don't know what they are talking about.

2. Telling them that they have to do anything they don't want to do. Choose your words very carefully people. It's kinda funny when medicine gets spit back in the nurse's face though.

3. Doing the dump and dash. Okay so you're not only taking you loved one to a nursing home, you're leaving them there forever, and you don't even tell them. Your ass probably won't get kicked, but it should be because the staff is the ones that have to deal with the situation.

4. Getting into the face of any enraged resident. Okay, so they are already pissed off and you think you can calm them down by getting near enough, so they can slap the hell out of you?? Think people. They didn't just invent the word time out for children you know.

5. Asking the nurse for help. Seriously, like she's going to stop what she's doing. She's too busy telling the other nurse what she did last night, lol. In this case, the nurse ought to get her booty stomped, lol.

6. Trying to stop a resident from exiting the building. Okay, your quick wits won't save you here. If you can't distract them by showing them acrobatics or offering ice cream, you're shit outta luck, and pulling their wheelchair backwards may be the only way. Ouch, yes, they can still land a few blows upside your head from the backwards position.

7. Trying to get something out of a residents' mouth that isn't food. I know it's so cute when the activity girls get them to do all this crafty stuff, but for some residents, this could be a choking hazard. I have a few bit marks to prove it.

8. Telling a resident they can't have a pain med or all of them at the same time. These are fight words and get ready to be called every name on the planet. I had no idea the former catechism teacher had such colorful language.

9. Trying to stop a resident from bee-lining his way toward the bathroom. Okay, so the bed alarm is blaring and you're trying to put the walker into place. The resident has to pee, move your ass.

10. Laughing at them when they say something that doesn't make sense. Like when they make up a song about how you're going to burn in hell, think their mother is still alive, ect. Never challenge their reality, it will come to blows every time.

Smiles

:)

Check out my Wordpress Blog

I also have a Wordpress blog. It's more age specific, but great fun. See things from the other side of the fence. Let's face it, we are all growing older. I'm dedicating it to longevity and that can mean from any age. I have an interview in the works that should be interesting. This time I get to ask the questions. Yippee. It should alter the way in which you think about the aging population. I guess that's my aim, well that and my upcoming book, Armed and Outrageous. 

Introducing Indies and Beyond

I have been involved with many groups on Linkedin and Facebook. These groups that have opened doors for me. I was asked to do a podcast by Quinn Barrett, for Wise Bear Books. I had a ton of fun doing that and I'm hoping to stop back by there when my book is released. Today I was asked to do an interview for Inspiration forum. It features part of the opening chapter for my upcoming book Armed and Outrageous. I hope you check it out. 


I started my own writing group or our writing group as I like to refer to it, called Indies and Beyond. I want to encourage writers, editors, and artists to take part and share their wisdom and expertise. I also want to encourage readers to take part and sound off. All that I ask is for everyone to play nice. You are free to post links. 


I hope you all  have a great week.
Smiles 
:)

Sunday Sample

I thought it might be nice to have a sample from The Bone Extractor. 

“Where you from, boy?” the passenger asked.

“I’m not your boy, but if you want to see it, come back here,” Bonesaw winked.

“I knew it Marty, didn’t I tell you? He’s one of those funny fellows,” the passenger said to the driver.

The driver took a turn in the road and drove far enough off U.S. Route 20 so as not to be noticed by passersby, as the trees grew taller in this area.

Remote.

Perfect.

These boys like to stick close to home, perfect UNSUBS. Why was the FBI searching for him when men like this were free to roam?

Six Sentence Sunday 1/15/12

I have included six sentences from my WIP Redneck Romance. It follows the adventures of a New York City girl who travels to North Carolina, and hires a redneck guide. In this scene she has yet again gotten herself into a fix.

I dangled suspended above and thankfully out of reach of the blasted dogs that yelped below me. I was swinging like some kind of live bait.

Wrong Turn movie memories came back to haunt me for real now.

"Pa, I think we caught us a live one."

Below me stood a boy covered in camouflage and two men surfaced equally dressed. Great, I had just run into damn moonshiners.

Six Sentence Sunday 1/8/12

From my WIP Redneck Romance

"I don't think that is a good idea. You might wanna go home before your husband gets mad."

"Husband?"

"Yea, he's gonna be dang mad if you don't have dinner waiting for when he comes home from work," he laughed.

My cheeks burned, it must be the redhead in me because I wanted to rip this redneck a new one.

"Why you backwoods bumpkin," I started, "I don't have a damn husband, we don't get married at twelve up north like y'all do."

KDP Select Rules

Okay so I won't get into the pot of gold over this one and I don't much care. The best reason to do the KDP Select is that you can change the price of your eBook to free for five days. Everybody loves freebees, right? For a writer like me, that's huge!

I did not plan to wait until January either. It was quite by accident. I had no idea how to change it to free, but after reading that all my Facebook writer buddies were doing it, I said what the hey. It took some fiddling around, but I figured out how. I enrolled in KDP Select a little after it started. I wasn't really getting any sales from Smashwords. I hated to un-publish it, but it's one of the things you have to do as terms of service for KDP Select.

To date, my sales of Coffin Tales Season Of Death isn't huge, but I am selling them, and my sales are continuing to grow.

Starting Jan 2nd, Coffin Tales, changed from 99 cents to free. Downloads went through the roof. Not only am I amazed. I'm astounded.

I didn't get 1,000 or what many of my other writer friends are getting. I'm not concerned about that. You can't get yourself wrapped up in if you are better or sell more than most of your other writer friends. Just be you.

My promotion ran from Jan 2-6, and most downloads happened during the weekend, but I lost the momentum I could have had because I had to work. Us writer types need a job until we become J.A. Konrath. We don't want to be him, just successful like him.

So I suppose my downloads could of ... would of ... should of ... been much higher. Maybe. Giggles. This further proves shorter fiction has a place on Amazon.

I want to thank everyone that snatched up a free copy of Coffin Tales and of course, everyone that bought a copy, and continues to buy it.

Yes, that's the beauty of it because it's still ... selling.

I want to thank every writer that shared my book link or retweeted. I couldn't have done it without any of you. Facebook without question rules!! I love all of my friends followers and stalkers.

Also, thanks to everyone that posted a review on Amazon. 

I took the Cupcake Quiz

Caramel Castle Cupcake





You are a Caramel Castle cupcake - not actually a cupcake, but more of a petit four, with neat slices of yellow cake separated by precise layers of boiled caramel icing.

You are a responsible perfectionist who is organized and detail-oriented.  You are hardworking and punctual, and you usually follow the rules.  You are logical and analytical.  You take steps to be prepared for all contingencies.

Your preferred careers include scientist, researcher, engineer, network administrator, or CEO.



What Kind Of Cupcake Are You?

Six Sentence Sunday

When I made it back to the front yard, it seemed the hound dog had found himself a companion. He was going to town like nobody's business too. Not that I thought a dog cares about that sort of thing. I know some men that don't care either.

I heard a twig snap behind me, and I whirled around, feeling the blood rush to my face.

"It's kinda impolite to be gawking like that, City."

2012

Welcome 2012. 


We have been warned of your coming and we will face it not like scared little girls, but soldiers. 


If I listened to every story of doom and gloom we would have been wiped off the planet long ago.


Live your life to the fullest and don't worry about what you don't have, but be happy about what you do have.