Tuesday, February 1, 2011

My wife left me for Zombie Man

My wife ran off with Zombie Man and hasn't been seen since.  I knew when we saw him walk by; this might not be a good time be outside.


He nodded as he walked by, and my wife nearly swooned. He wore pink tights and a tight tank top, clinging to his muscled frame, and she couldn't look away.


What with the large letter Z on his chest you would think he thought he was some kind of superhero.


My wife told me he actually listens to her, (as if he can speak).


If he could speak more than a few words he'd tell her to shut up (I know I have to as she never quits yapping).


"Huh?" Is only encouragement for her to continue to keep talking.




Doesn't she realize he is wasting away? I hope he decomposes soon that'll teach her. I heard he lost an arm during a storm last night. I mean how long can this really last. If he thinks he's just dropping her back off over here, he can forget it.


What kind of sex life could they possibly have as I'm sure "that thing in his tights" rotted away long ago; with the way he smells. Kissing him would be repulsive as maggots must have formed there too.


No, I'm not being bitter, I'm glad she's gone, and I'm moving just in case she tries to come crawling back.


I should know because that's what happened to my last wife.

WARNING: BEWARE ZOMBIE MAN AS HE HAS BEEN STEALING WIVES ALL OVER TOWN. HE CAN BE FOUND SMACKING HIMSELF IN THE HEAD AS A CIRCLE OF WOMEN SURROUND HIM, YAPPING LIKE MAGPIES. THIS IS A GOOD DAY FOR HUMAN KIND AND A BAD DAY TO BE ZOMBIE MAN. 



2 comments:

Widow_Lady302 said...

POOR ZOMBIE MAN! And the poor guy telling the story...I can only imagine his wife coming crawling back...AS A ZOMBIE!! Great story!

Madison Johns said...

Just the point I was trying to make. I envision her crawling back, using only her arms because the rest of her rotted off. I know I have a morbid sense of humor.